One way to positively influence values is by modeling the behavior you want others to adopt. When people consistently see someone they respect acting on a stated principle, rather than just talking about it, they are far more likely to internalize that principle themselves. This works in families, workplaces, classrooms, and communities because human psychology drives us to align our beliefs with what we observe in people we trust.
But leading by example is just the starting point. Values take root through a combination of visible action, open conversation, recognition, and direct experience. Here’s how each of those mechanisms works and how you can put them into practice.
Leading by Example Sets the Foundation
The most reliable way to influence someone’s values is to live those values visibly and consistently. Parents act as moral role models for their children, shaping not only how kids internalize values like empathy and fairness but also how they navigate moral decisions over time. The same dynamic plays out in workplaces: when leaders bring specific values to life through their own choices, employees can see opportunities to do the same in their own roles.
What makes this powerful is a basic psychological principle: people do not like feeling like hypocrites. When someone publicly commits to a value and then acts on it, the people around them feel a pull toward consistency between what they see and what they believe. Over time, observed behavior becomes expected behavior, and expected behavior becomes internalized belief.
A concrete example comes from Michigan Medicine, where a nurse and a DEI program manager championed introducing Black hair care products into the hospital system. Rather than simply talking about the university’s core value of inclusion, they pushed through administrative hurdles to actually purchase and stock those products. As one of them put it, “We talk about those values a lot, but this was an example of folks really walking that walk.” That kind of visible effort, where someone absorbs real cost or inconvenience to act on a principle, communicates more about values than any mission statement ever could.
Talking About Why, Not Just What
Modeling behavior only goes so far if the people around you don’t understand the reasoning behind your choices. Research from UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center highlights a critical point: your children, employees, or peers may not be learning what you hope they’re learning from your actions if you don’t explain the thinking behind them. Why did you make that particular choice? Was it difficult? Would you do it again?
This works because it transforms an observed action into a shared narrative. When a parent tells a child, “I apologized to my coworker today because I realized I was wrong, and it felt uncomfortable but important,” the child learns that accountability is a value worth the discomfort. When a manager explains to the team why they turned down a profitable but ethically questionable client, the reasoning behind the decision carries more weight than the decision alone.
Storytelling doesn’t require turning yourself into a flawless hero. In fact, the opposite is more effective. Sharing moments where you struggled, made a mistake, or fell short of your own standards makes values feel achievable rather than abstract. It also opens space for others to share their own experiences, creating a two-way conversation instead of a lecture.
Recognition Reinforces Positive Values
People repeat behaviors they are recognized for. Research suggests that 92 percent of employees are likely to repeat a specific action after being recognized for it. This makes recognition one of the most practical tools for embedding values into any group, whether it’s a family, a classroom, or an organization.
In workplace settings, this can be structured. Some companies use peer-to-peer recognition programs where employees tag each other with a specific core value whenever they call out good work. If someone goes out of their way to help a struggling teammate, a colleague can publicly recognize them and link that action to a value like collaboration or integrity. This creates a feedback loop: the recognized person feels validated, and everyone else sees a concrete example of what that value looks like in daily work.
Outside of formal programs, the same principle applies in simpler ways. A parent who notices a child sharing with a sibling and says, “That was really generous of you,” ties the behavior to a value. A coach who highlights a player’s sportsmanship in front of the team makes that trait something worth aspiring to. The key is specificity. Generic praise like “good job” doesn’t anchor to any particular value. Naming exactly what someone did and why it matters is what creates lasting influence.
Public Commitments Create Internal Shifts
Once people commit to something, verbally or in writing, they are more likely to view that commitment as part of their identity and follow through with consistent actions. This is especially true when the commitment is public. Psychologists call this the consistency principle: after making a pledge, people experience discomfort (cognitive dissonance) when their actions don’t match their stated beliefs, and they resolve that discomfort by adjusting their behavior to stay aligned.
You can use this in practical ways. A team that collectively agrees on a set of operating values during an offsite meeting has made a public commitment. A student who signs a community service pledge has created an identity anchor. A family that discusses and agrees on household values together, rather than having a parent dictate them, gives every member a sense of ownership. Implementation intentions, where someone plans a specific action tied to a specific situation (“If I see a colleague being excluded, I will invite them into the conversation”), help people remember and follow through because the plan itself feels like a promise.
Direct Experience Changes Perspectives
Values are easier to adopt when they’re tied to real experiences rather than abstract ideas. Service-learning programs, which combine community service with structured reflection, consistently shift participants’ value priorities. Students who engage in these programs develop a greater understanding of and ability to relate to people from different backgrounds. They also develop a personal and collective stake in making positive contributions beyond their immediate circle.
This works because experience creates emotional resonance. Reading about food insecurity is informative. Volunteering at a food bank and serving meals to families is transformative. The emotional memory of that experience attaches itself to values like compassion and responsibility in a way that a classroom lesson alone cannot.
The same applies in families and workplaces. A parent who involves their child in choosing items to donate, delivering meals to a neighbor, or helping a younger child with homework is providing a lived experience that makes generosity tangible. A company that gives employees paid time to volunteer isn’t just offering a perk; it’s creating an environment where community responsibility becomes part of how people see themselves and their work.
Consistency Over Time Is What Sticks
No single conversation, recognition moment, or volunteer experience permanently shifts someone’s values. Values grow from what researchers describe as a deep well of relationships, experiences, commitments, and influences that accumulate over time. They are lived, modeled, talked about, practiced, and expected in an ongoing way before they become part of someone’s character.
This means the most effective approach combines multiple methods and sustains them. Model the behavior yourself. Explain your reasoning. Recognize others when they demonstrate the value. Create opportunities for people to experience the value firsthand. Reinforce it through regular touchpoints, whether that’s family dinner conversations, team meetings, performance reviews, or one-on-one check-ins. Values that show up in only one context, like a poster on the wall or an annual training session, rarely take hold. Values that are woven into daily life become part of who people are.